*Please read this before reading the article below.*
I wrote a piece a couple of days ago on the theory of narcissistic reality. This apparently started some debate on narcissistic personalities. I feel like I need to clarify some on the subject of NR vs. Narcissistic personalities.
There is a huge difference between the two. They are NOT the same thing. Narcissistic reality talks about how our lives tend to be focused on the things that are within our sensory perception and how we have a biological, mental, and emotional need to deal with only the things that are directly giving us input at any given time.
A narcissistic personality is very different. In my NR piece I mentioned removing the negative connotation of the word narcissism. When I say this I am only referring to when you are thinking about narcissistic reality theory.
I would like to make it very clear that there is absolutely a negative meaning for the word narcissist and it is very valid. Allow me to take a moment to cover narcissistic personality.
I grew up with a brother who is a sociopath. He is the very text book definition of a dangerous, abusive narcissist. He sees people as objects, things to be manipulated and/or used for his own gain. He sees people in terms of what they can do for him, what they can provide him, and what he can get out of them. He is a dangerous liar. He is abusive emotionally. He lives in a totally non-realistic world where everything exists as an object. Nobody has valid feelings or concerns and nobody but him is right PERIOD.
I do NOT condone in any way narcissistic people. It is VERY important for you to be on the lookout for these individuals. There are a number of tell tale signs that you have run into a sociopath or an abusive narcissist (I think it is important to point out that not ALL narcissists are abusive).
Here is a link to more information on how to identify a sociopath or narcissistic abuser.
Below is a list of things I use to identify a sociopath from my experience. I would also like to add if you suspect you are with a sociopath right now and would like someone to talk to please feel free to send an e-mail to the ask Kaspr! address. I would be happy to have a private, non-public, discussion with you and give you guidance and provide resources to help you change your situation.
1) These people tend to have experiences that are ALWAYS similar to yours. Anything you talk about they will have similar experiences but their experience will always one up yours.
2) They tend to try convince you that you have issues but that they can help you with them with their sensitive insight.
3) They tend to seem overly helpful, overly kind, overly trusting and overly sharing. In short, you will find yourslef thinking they are too good to be true.
4) In my experience they are ALWAYS right…in their own mind. They tell lies and give bogus facts to back up their positions even in the face of concrete evidence that they are lying.
5) They tend to see “how the world operates” in a very unrealistic way.
6) They take, very appreciatively, and take and take and take and take until you have nothing left to give. Then when you need their help they disappear.
Of course there are many other things but these are the tell tale signs I have experienced in the 40 years that I have been related to a sociopath.
I want to be very clear that NOBODY should accept being abused by a narcissist or otherwise. You need to be careful with these people and watch out for them.
Again, I cannot be clear enough, you do not want to change your definition of narcissism permanently, you just need to step away from the negative connotations of the word when you are thinking about narcissistic reality. We all live in one. The trick is, living in a narcissistic reality does NOT mean you are a narcissist. I have a lot of friends who I have met over the last few years who, like me, live in a narcissistic reality but most certainly are NOT narcissists nor abusers.
Now as a closing though, I would like to apologize to any of my friends or readers who were offended or felt slighted by my post on NR. By no means did I intend to say being an abusive narcissist is ok. It most certainly is not and you deserve every ounce of respect and love that everyone else does.
My sincerest apologies to all of you for not clarifying earlier. I love every single one of you and I hope my post did not offend, hurt or make you feel slighted in anyway. That was most certainly not my intention.
Peace, love and happiness always,