Having a rough day

You won’t see me often write a post without a lesson but today I must. Today is one of those days where I feel all the sadness, hurt, and injustice happening in the world as if I was being forced to watch it.

It is not easy being a sensitive person. It is not easy watching your friends do, say, or support things that you feel are terribly wrong. It is even harder to have to debate with them on why these things that are universally accepted as bad are bad. The icing on the cake is when they will not even admit you have a point whether or not they agree.

I made a decision today to not make any big decisions. When I get like this I can’t make clear well informed decisions. I am biased by the fact that I feel like the world is crushing me. I feel like the universe has a jackboot on my head and is pouring negative into my ear. I don’t do negative anymore. You really can find good in absolutely everything if you try.

I find myself not liking things about the people I really care about today. Luckily I am emotionally skilled enough to take responsibility for those feelings and the fact that they do NOT mean my friends are bad people. They just don’t agree with me sometimes and that is ok. That is one of the reasons I love them. They are all smart, wonderful caring people and I don’t like thinking negative things about them.

When I get into these types of spaces I just want to crawl in a hole and let the world fall apart. I think the most important thing though is to make sure you are not doing things when in this state, that hurt others.

It is important to remember when you are feeling down, depressed, stressed or angry that the things you do and say do not go away when you feel better and you could do severe and permanent damage to relationships and people. This is not a lesson, this is me trying to remind myself of the right way to handle this state of mind.

I have to ask myself though, why are people defending these things? Why are people defending statements that are so obviously wrong and hurtful to so many people? How could the people I care about think the things they are telling me?

Maybe this is one of those cases where the answer is obvious only because I have done a lot of work to get to the mental space where I understand. Maybe I am too literal. Maybe I speak on the “perfect world” scenario too much. I don’t know what the issue is but there is one and it might just be me.

Today is the type of day where you want to cry your eyes out because you feel, hear, and see the world suffering around you and the people you care about seem to be defending things that contribute to that suffering.

I guess the lesson I am using and not learning today is be emotionally aware and take responsibility for those emotions. Well, today, I am certainly getting a lot of practice on that front and only doing a so-so job.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and there will be much more love and happiness in the world than there is today.

So many people tell me they want my life. So many people tell me they want to be me or as much like me as they can.

Let me tell you something, you see mostly the good. Spend some time in this state of mind feeling the sorrow of the entire universe piled up on your head and shoulders and tell me then if you still want to be me :). Something tells me you may not.

Peace, love and happiness always,

 

K