Without admitting something is broken…how can you fix it?

Wow, it really feels bad to admit that there is a problem in your relationship doesn’t it? I assure you for a lot of people it does indeed feel very bad. Like somehow you are failing or are substandard. Like your relationship is not good enough or somehow not as good as others.

Let me assure you of something else, you could not be more wrong. In fact, quite the opposite is actually true. Admitting there is a problem in your relationship actually means that you are far ahead of the game. Now if your partner admits there is an issue then you are even further ahead.

The most important part is to talk about it. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that there is a problem. Without admitting something is broken, how can you fix it?

You see once you and your partner have agreed that there is indeed an issue, there are many things that you can do to work through your problems. Some problems might be small enough to talk through. Others might take doing some exercises or one of you reminding the other pretty regularly until it becomes a habit. Then there are others that will require you to go to counseling.

Going to counseling is ok. A counselor can do a lot to help both of you through the issues that you are experiencing. You see, the thing you have to keep in mind is that nothing is one sided. There are always two participants in a disagreement.

It is not about placing blame. It is not about one of you being wrong and the other being right. It is about identifying the issue and working to change whatever is causing it no matter what side the problems are on (almost always on both). It is about two people working through issues because they want to continue to be a part of each others lives. You see, hurt people, hurt people, plain and simple. Try to remember that the things that are happening are almost always a result of past experiences. After all we are a sum total of the things we experience in our lives. For instance, I am extremely sensitive because of my past which makes me very hard to be in a relationship with because to me, from a loved one, words are like bricks. You can either use them to help build a good emotional home or you can use them to beat someone over the head and hurt them. This means that whoever is in a relationship with me is going to have to be very self aware and aware of the world around them or it is going to seem like I am constantly hurt.

When the person I am in a relationship with hurts me, I try to remember that hurt people, hurt people. This allows me to express to the person that they hurt me and begin the process of working it out. Remember, it is easier to treat a mosquito bite than an abscess. Don’t let your bite turn into an abscess.

Don’t let your relationship slip away over something as silly as refusing to admit there is a problem. A lot of the time you will find that one partner thinks there is a problem and the other partner is unaware of it. This is why you have to have the communication I was talking about in this article.

Trust your partner, don’t be afraid to talk to them. If you need to, explain to them that you are talking about this because you love them, love being with them, and want that time going forward to as happy and loving as you possibly can.

You won’t regret it.

Peace, love and happiness always,

K