It’s not about what the other person is looking for…

It is about being who you are and finding a partner who likes whatever it is you are. That is the simple and honest truth about finding a partner. There is no arguing here. This is reality and we all live in it.

I just finished watching a documentary about “in-cels” (Involuntary Celibates) and “PUAs” (Pick Up Artists) called Shy Boys. To be honest it made me really angry. I felt really bad for the guys who seemed to have a ton of problems with women. I got angry at the PUA morons who act like there is some magic pussy skeleton key. What really angered me about their behavior is the fact that they could not even seem to grasp that what these guys were looking for is a girlfriend not a one-night stand or a club hookup.

My heart really went out to the troubled guys. I listened to them call themselves ugly, unattractive, and a host of other things. A lot of self deprecation there. It was really interesting to listen to all of them talk about what women wanted.

The PUA guys spent all their time talking about how women all want muscles, sharp clothes, and good looking guys. They did not mention one single word about vulnerability, decency, partnership, respect, commitment, or anything that would define a classic healthy relationship.

Right about the time I started thinking that the PUA guys were trying to show them something they did not want, one of the troubled guys spoke up and said he did not think he and his friends were looking for the same thing that the PUA guys were.

I almost broke out in song and dance. Finally a troubled guy who sees through the PUA bullshit! I realized, these guys actually have a chance and that their biggest obstacle is themselves.

I think their biggest obstacle is that they have no self confidence. Their second biggest obstacle is they spend all their time trying to figure out what women want so they can transform themselves into whatever singular thing that is.

What they do not realize is they are setting themselves up for failure by thinking that way. We all do this at one time or another. We think there is some magic mold we can cram ourselves into that will instantly unlock the cock locker or pussy palace.

The truth is what the other side is “looking for” is completely irrelevant. What they do not realize is, is that the key to finding a relationship and love does not lie in making yourself into something else. It lies in accepting what you are and finding a partner who likes whatever that is.

If you spend your life trying to cram yourself into a mold to make other people like you, or make other people happy, all you are going to do is set yourself up for a miserable existence where you do not know if people like you for who you are or who you are pretending to be.

Trust me, I know this to be true from experience. I lived it myself for well over a decade. I realized I was changing; I was becoming who I was on the inside on the outside. But the problem was I was with someone who loved who they thought I was instead of who I really was. That was because I didn’t even know who I was.

Now though, at 40 years of age, I have figured out that it is all about loving who you are, accepting who you are (flaws included), and finding someone who likes whatever and whoever you are.

This does not mean you have to like everything about yourself, you just need to realize that what you are is what you are and whatever it is, is ok. As soon as you are able to do that, you will find you are more comfortable around potential partners and will eventually run into one who can’t get enough of whatever the hell it is you are.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K