It’s not about what the other person is looking for…

It is about being who you are and finding a partner who likes whatever it is you are. That is the simple and honest truth about finding a partner. There is no arguing here. This is reality and we all live in it.

I just finished watching a documentary about “in-cels” (Involuntary Celibates) and “PUAs” (Pick Up Artists) called Shy Boys. To be honest it made me really angry. I felt really bad for the guys who seemed to have a ton of problems with women. I got angry at the PUA morons who act like there is some magic pussy skeleton key. What really angered me about their behavior is the fact that they could not even seem to grasp that what these guys were looking for is a girlfriend not a one-night stand or a club hookup.

My heart really went out to the troubled guys. I listened to them call themselves ugly, unattractive, and a host of other things. A lot of self deprecation there. It was really interesting to listen to all of them talk about what women wanted.

The PUA guys spent all their time talking about how women all want muscles, sharp clothes, and good looking guys. They did not mention one single word about vulnerability, decency, partnership, respect, commitment, or anything that would define a classic healthy relationship.

Right about the time I started thinking that the PUA guys were trying to show them something they did not want, one of the troubled guys spoke up and said he did not think he and his friends were looking for the same thing that the PUA guys were.

I almost broke out in song and dance. Finally a troubled guy who sees through the PUA bullshit! I realized, these guys actually have a chance and that their biggest obstacle is themselves.

I think their biggest obstacle is that they have no self confidence. Their second biggest obstacle is they spend all their time trying to figure out what women want so they can transform themselves into whatever singular thing that is.

What they do not realize is they are setting themselves up for failure by thinking that way. We all do this at one time or another. We think there is some magic mold we can cram ourselves into that will instantly unlock the cock locker or pussy palace.

The truth is what the other side is “looking for” is completely irrelevant. What they do not realize is, is that the key to finding a relationship and love does not lie in making yourself into something else. It lies in accepting what you are and finding a partner who likes whatever that is.

If you spend your life trying to cram yourself into a mold to make other people like you, or make other people happy, all you are going to do is set yourself up for a miserable existence where you do not know if people like you for who you are or who you are pretending to be.

Trust me, I know this to be true from experience. I lived it myself for well over a decade. I realized I was changing; I was becoming who I was on the inside on the outside. But the problem was I was with someone who loved who they thought I was instead of who I really was. That was because I didn’t even know who I was.

Now though, at 40 years of age, I have figured out that it is all about loving who you are, accepting who you are (flaws included), and finding someone who likes whatever and whoever you are.

This does not mean you have to like everything about yourself, you just need to realize that what you are is what you are and whatever it is, is ok. As soon as you are able to do that, you will find you are more comfortable around potential partners and will eventually run into one who can’t get enough of whatever the hell it is you are.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K

Ashamed to be human

I don’t want to live in a world where people do things purposely to hurt others. This shit has GOT TO STOP!! Let me tell you a story.

I did not get permission to talk about the person I am going to write about so I will call her Nicole. I was talking to Nicole on the phone and she told me one of the most horrible things I have ever heard.

She is not in good health so she spends a lot of time in the house. Unfortunately she is not able to work so she lives with her parents. It was Sunday and her parents went to church as they always do. They came home and a little later there was a knock at the door. Her brother and his in-laws had come over. Her brother lost his wife a number of years ago but continues his relationship with his deceased wife’s family.

Nicole usually stays in her room and avoids her family. They are terrible, toxic people. On Sunday, her Dad managed to lure her out of the room. She was in the living room with them and after a few minutes, her father starts to put her down in front of everyone. He told them she was a disappointment, a loser, and a waste of life. Keep in mind, this is less than two hours after they left church.

Nicole started bawling her eyes out and ran out of the room crying. I spent a fair amount of time on the phone with Nicole trying to calm her down and reassuring her that he was just an asshole and none of it was true.

That has to be one of the most terrible things I have ever heard. This reprehensible behavior made me ashamed to be human. I apologized to Nicole and reminded her that if there are people that awful there must be people equally as awesome.

This shit has got to stop now. I no longer want to live in a world where people do things to hurt others maliciously. What possible reason could there be for doing something like that other than being a complete and total asshole?

A friend asked me recently what word I would want to be remembered by at the end of my life. I was indeed able to answer quickly, in a single word: compassion.

People, we have got to stop this shit. If we do not make the conscious choice, right now, to start treating everyone and everything with compassion then we are lost. Humanity is without hope. There is no way we can fix our problems as humans and as a society without starting to show compassion to everyone and everything.

We particularly need to show compassion to those who anger us, hurt us, disagree with us, or in general rub us the wrong way.

Remember, everyone does everything they do for a reason. It may not be a reason you agree with or a reason you like but you absolutely should take a moment and step back and try to imagine what it is is like to be them, not in the biased way we think they are thinking but really try to take their side for a moment. I think you will find that it is much easier to understand why people do the things they do when you truly try to look at things from their point of view.

I am not saying this is going to make everything all right. I am not saying this is going to make everything better. Sometimes you might end up drawing the conclusion that they are just evil, pure and simple, or it was just bad luck.

There is no arguing this point. This is reality and what I am saying is an axiom. Without compassion we are doomed. The next time you want to lash out, the next time something you hate makes you angry, take a moment and ask yourself why their behavior is what it is.

I am not sure I will ever be able to make sense of a parent who does things deliberately to hurt their child. To me this is one of those times I end up coming to the conclusion that they are evil. I know her father’s history and there are indeed things in it that cause him to act that way. His father used to hold him down and torment him. What I do not understand is being so loveless and heartless that you would perpetuate that to your child.

I guess some people are just weak-minded or do not have the strength to overcome the things that have happened to them. I guess it is foreign to me because I actively choose to never make people feel the way I had been made to feel by the people who have hurt me in my life.

Remember, people, love and compassion are the only way we are going to heal ourselves, our society, each other and our environment.

Every single one of us needs to make the choice, this very second, to actively show compassion to everyone and everything around us. We need to decide to show the people we care about that we care. You never know how a single smile could change a life.

I read a story the other day that touched me. I don’t remember the specifics, but there was a young lady who always seemed to drive when her and her boyfriend would go out. She thought it was strange that he would look around and smile at everyone he could. Some people liked it and smiled back, others thought it was strange and rolled their eyes. He would smile at everyone in the restaurant, literally everyone he would get near.

She thought it was a kind of strange and one day decided to ask him about it. His answer was that he had read a study that said most of the people who had attempted suicide and changed their mind said that the smile of stranger is what did the trick. He said after he read that he decided to smile at absolutely everyone he got near because if it all takes is a smile to save a life he wanted to save as many as he could.

That really struck me. We need to be mindful of our actions and how they affect others. As soon as we do this and we begin to love all of our fellow humans whether they agree with us, hurt us, or love us the world will change and be a much happier place.

Thanks for reading.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K

Ladies…Where are the men you are looking for?

Hello everyone, I hope this finds you well. I have a story to tell and some advice to give that I think may turn you on to a whole new world of possibilities in relationships.

Recently I reconnected with a friend who I had, had a bit of a falling out with. We worked things out and we have seen each other a couple of times since. We have been talking about his relationship. He has been seeing the same girl for two years now, but it has been a long- distance relationship.

Neither of them particularly want to move from where they are. My friend came up with a great compromise: why don’t you move to Austin for a year or two, to make sure we are compatible, and then I will move back to your town with you and we can stay there and build a family?

His girlfriend quickly tabled that discussion. This made my friend suspect that she meant no, but was unwilling to say it.

This led to a conversation about how awesome my friend circle is and how my life had changed since meeting everyone who is now a part of it.

The discussion then morphed into whether it was better to (a) settle for what you currently have that does not make you go “holy shit” but satisfies in general what you are looking for, or (b) going for the “holy shit” lusty type of relationship knowing there is a risk of not finding it.

I explained I had went for the latter and found it. Hindsight being 20/20, it was far beyond worth the risk. I also explained that he is the type of person I would be willing to introduce to my friend circle which would give him an above-average chance of finding what he is looking for.

I explained that we know literally a dozen or more eligible single women who are intelligent, open-minded, accepting, and empowered. Women who are looking for a committed partner but are having terrible dating experiences.

My friend then said something that made a lot of sense, “The problem is all the cool people are on the couch.” This sounds strange, like laziness promotion, but let me explain what he meant. You see, I was him almost 4 years ago so I know exactly what he meant.

Guys like he and I are the ones that all of our single female friends are looking for. Emotionally available, looking for partner to share with, adventurous, willing to settle into that adventure, but most of all, wanting to share his life with someone.

There is more though. Guys like he and I have a lot of respect for the other people in our lives. We are sensitive and caring. We are aware of how our actions affect others. This ends up with us being terrified of ever being called or perceived as “that guy.”

Ladies, we long to be with you. We long to have you as a partner. The guys you want are out there and they are still single. I promise you it is true. I was one of them and I have a lot of friends who are the same way.

The problem is, we are so terrified of being labeled “that guy” that we do not put ourselves out there. We would rather spend the rest of our lives alone than ever be perceived in that light.

We don’t know how to approach you. And it’s not because we aren’t confident, but because we know other asshat guys have bugged you to death and it feels to us like we are doing it too. We just don’t know how or when to approach you because of our fear of coming off like a jerk.

Let me give you an example. For me, one of the worst rejections I ever had, the one that put me over the edge, was in high school. I asked a girl I had known for months on a date. We had been talking in class for weeks, we had fun, we laughed, we carried on and had a great time. It felt like we had grown really close. We hugged hello and goodbye. She would put her hand on my arm when she was talking to me. We had never talked about her having a boyfriend or me having a girlfriend.

I assumed that after months she would have mentioned a boyfriend. I figured she was okay with touching me and I felt comfortable touching her. We laughed and had fun. We seemed to enjoy being around each other. I decided I wanted more and got up the courage to ask her out.

I finally did. Her response was that she would love to but she had a boyfriend. It was nothing she did, but I immediately felt like the biggest pile of shit you can imagine. In my mind, for some reason, I had become “that guy” who tries to pick up on other guys’ girlfriends. I was in the friend zone and didn’t know it.

I decided then and there that I was never going to be that guy again. What ended up happening was I became a relationship recluse. I decided that since I was obviously bad at reading signs, I did not want to make that mistake again.  I would just not put myself out there and maybe something would at some point happen by accident.

Ladies, I’m telling you there are literally thousands of these guys out there. There are literally thousands of guys just like my friend and I out there who are not putting themselves out there where you are looking for them.

This is why finding love where you are looking is much more the exception than the rule. The reason why is because “couch guy” that my friend was talking about IS the droid you are looking for.

Here is the entire point of my story. The guy you are looking for is most likely not the guy in the photo. He is most likely not the guy with the statistics that match your requirements. He is most likely not the guy who answered the OK Cupid questions you wanted him to in the way you wanted him to.

You want to know who he is? Here is the secret. Here is where he is. He is the guy eating at a table by himself in the restaurant. He is the guy who is buying s small amount of groceries in line behind you. He is the guy who just dropped off only men’s clothes at the cleaners you use. He is the guy buying running shoes alone in the store.

Do you understand what I am saying? I keep saying to all of my wonderful female friends that you are all looking in the wrong place. The men you are looking for do not generally put themselves out there where you are looking and we most certainly do not respond to your profiles because it takes too much out of us to write a heartfelt message and receive no response. This is usually what happens to us. If we write something more generic and mass mail it then we are “that guy.” That is why we don’t use those services that you are looking for us on.

Simply put, we do not hang out in the places you are looking.

If you want to find us, look for us in line at Walgreens. Look for us sitting alone in Chipotle. Talk to us on the bus. Stop us on the sidewalk. If you see us in the park say hello.

Ladies, we are right in front of you. We are right under your nose in plain sight. The problem is, because of our fear, you have to pick us up with a tractor or hit on us with a hammer. That brings us out of our shell.

If you take the risk to crack the shell no matter what it looks like, you might be stunned at how good the nut on the inside looks, feels and tastes.

I also need to tell you that you need to, in your heart of hearts, deep down be okay with the fact that there is a chance you could finish life single. As soon as you accept that, that means you are happy with who you are and love – truly love – your life. Only then will you also be able to truly share with and have a partner. If you find yourself longing for a relationship then you may need to evaluate where that longing is coming from and make sure that your life is really as complete and happy as it seems. Do a lot of introspection and make sure that is what you really want and that it is not a desire to cure loneliness etc.

I’m telling you though, don’t lose hope. Start looking right in front of you. There are thousands of us right under your nose. We are all over, you may have to approach us at first but trust me, when you find the right one, and we see that clear signal, we will have no problem taking the lead and joining you on an amazing journey of love, partnership, adventure and sharing.

Peace, love and happiness always,

K

Today I failed…

Honestly, I have really been getting tired of reading about how life revolves around burning man for two months. No offense to my friends, many of whom are the quintessential burners. I am talking before ticket sales longevity.

For this reason I figured starting today I would lay off of Facebook for a while so as to avoid reading about it. It just gets daunting you know?

Well, I failed at that and out of habit jumped on Facebook today. That was my first mistake. The second was reading meme photos. I am so damned analytical that automagically, when I see something that is false, and I can prove it is false, I jump in.

Well I jumped in today and got drawn into an argument. I am not proud of myself right now. I resorted to my usual, masterful (if I do say so myself), and very effective method of debating. As usually happens, after a bit, the person I was arguing with began to implode and started hurling personal insults. I made a mistake and allowed myself to be drawn in.

I won’t go into details but out of weakness, I resorted to insulting the person. Hindsight being 20/20, I am ashamed I did this. This is not me. I know better.

I know people do things because of what has happened to them. Rarely is malevolence the cause, though it does happen and does exist. Hurt people, hurt people and for a moment I forgot this. Instead of looking on this person with compassion and sympathy, I once again chose anger and overpowering. I thought I left that guy behind a long time ago.

How am I supposed to teach anyone anything when I can’t even follow my own advice?

The truth is, the only time we truly fail, is when we refuse to recognize and take responsibility for our actions. The only time we truly lose our humanity is when we give in to our ego and start keeping score again. This person acting out of anger and hurt towards me says nothing about me, my opinion, or who I am. I need to do a better job of remembering that and remembering to take into account that the other person must have had a rough life too. I know that is why *I* used to behave that way.

I decided to do the right thing and though the argument was long over, I finished it with the following comment directed at the person I was arguing with:

 

You know, I have given it some thought. Someone or something obviously hurt you to make you act this way. I consider ***** a close friend and I would never do anything to hurt him. In fact, I would defend him with my last blow if I had to. If you have a pile of federal legal shit on you then by proxy, by reporting what you did, I hurt him.
 
For those two reasons I am going to do the right thing here and just leave this here.
 
I am not going to preach or try to make any points. I don’t need or want you to agree with me, you are entitled to your opinion.
 
What I am going to do is tell you I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors and hope that you find inner peace.
 
My apologies for the insults. That is not who I am and I had a weak moment. There is no excuse for that. I should have kept my calm demeanor and not unleashed on you.
 
Take care of yourself and I wish you the best in everything you do.
 
Peace, love and happiness,
 
K
Folks, the best piece of advice I have ever given you is about to come. Please, I beg you, take it to heart and use them as words to live by. If we all do this, the world will be a much happier and more loving place. Here is the advice:
It is never too late to remember who you are and take responsibility for your actions. No matter how unpleasant that may be, living with knowing that you hurt someone else is going to hurt you in the long run. Remember, hurt people, hurt people and we all act out from time to time.
I hope everyone is able to find that place that allows them to remember all of our humanity, stop keeping score, and be happy.
Peace, love, and happiness always,
K

 

There absolutely is evil in the world…

don’t succumb to it. I had a wonderful conversation with a gentleman I met on Facebook today. I was looking through things on my news feed and I saw a photo with a skull in it that caught my eye. I read the meme text in the photo and out of the corner of my eye saw a discussion about dark souls.

The exact wording of the comment makes no difference for the purposes of this story. What does make a difference though was that the response to the comment was someone saying they do not believe there is such a thing as a dark soul.

This person believes all souls are good. Well, for those of you that know me you know this is the type of thing I have to jump in on. Those of you who know me well or read my writing often know that I firmly believe that the very second you use the word all or the word every to describe something you are almost always wrong.

Well when I jumped into the conversation I explained that our very reality is held together not only by positive forces but by negative ones as well and to deny the existence of the negative was in my opinion ludicrous or equivalent to walking through life with blinders on.

We had a very polite discourse over the existence of evil souls. I explained to him that I had experienced it first hand through a very close personal relationship I have.

Over the course of the conversation we were able to express respect for each other’s viewpoint and finally found that we agree, no matter what our beliefs are, that the world would be a much better place if we concentrated on loving as much as we can as opposed to hating and being fearful.

I have digressed from the major point of my piece now. I will attempt to return to my point.

There sure as hell is evil in the world. To deny it is simply ludicrous. Unfortunately, for us to have the insanely beautiful and benevolent, we must have the insanely evil and malevolent. There just is no way around it. This is called the universal balance and it governs all things. I will write another piece on this another time.

The trick is to not let the existence of the malevolent create fear and hate in us. We need to accept that it exists, that it is a part of life and be aware that it is out there.

That does not mean we should or need to live our lives looking for it. In fact we should do exactly the opposite. The only way for us to beat the hate is to refuse to live in fear. We can take the power away.

How do we do that? By loving everything. By loving ourselves, the world around us, and yes, even the evil that exists. We need to work toward appreciating the evil/negative. If we learn to appreciate the negative experience for what it is, the balance of beauty, then we can begin to lead a happier life.

Don’t deny the negative exists, try to experience when it arrives, appreciate it for what it is and turn the energy it creates into something positive. You can use that negative experience as a reminder not cause that same experience in others.

I think it is also important to note that we should NEVER deny that the negative exists to anyone who tells us it does. This is overwriting their experience and denying them their feelings. Imagine for a moment what it feels like to be told you did not experience something you know you did. Personally, I have had a lot of things I experienced denied to me. It feels terrible to have your experiences overwritten and to be told what you did feel or how you should feel.

Just remember, that acknowledging the existence of the negative does not mean you have to succumb to it or be fearful of it. It actually moves you toward acceptance and using the negative energy to accomplish good by being the change you would like to see in the world.

 

Peace, love, and happiness always,

 

K

Why do I have to like my body?

This is an interesting question that just popped into my head. Why is it a requirement that I have to like my body. Why is it required that I be comfortable in it or be proud of it?

There seems to be this mantra in alternative culture that everything has to be ok. If you don’t like your job change it, if you don’t like the way you look change it, blah, blah, blah.

There is apparently some societal standard that we have to make things ok. I am not sure where it came from and I think we are all falling victim to this mantra and we don’t even realize it.

For instance, I have been very sensitive about my appearance lately. I hate my body. I hate it with a passion. If I did not need it to interact physically with the things in this reality, I would shed it in a heartbeat even if it meant I couldn’t have a new one. I hate how it looks, I hate how it feels, I hate that I am judged by the personification that accompanies my consciousness. I can’t stand how slow neurokinetics are. I can’t stand how slow neuromuscular reaction times are in humans. In short, I can’t stand how slow this body is in comparison to how fast my mind works.

I have something to tell you. It is ok to NOT be ok. It is ok to be broken, it is ok to operate outside average parameters. You don’t have to be “ok”. I know this is confusing but the summation is it is ok to not be ok with something.

I guess the best way I can explain it is this. The societal standard for the need to be ok is exemplified by the fact that when we see someone who does not fit our definition of “ok” we try to help them fit our definition of ok. This does not make us bad people, this makes us human and means we have fallen victim to the things we are taught. There is nothing wrong with that. We just need to wake up, realize what we are doing, and stop it.

How do we try to make them fit our definition of ok? We try to reverse or fix the thing that we see as them not being ok. Take my absolute hatred for my body. Whenever I talk about it the people who care about me try to make me feel attractive by complimenting me. Telling me they love my body, telling me they think I am attractive, sexy, brilliant, etc.

They don’t mean to but they are trying to overwrite my reality. No matter what you tell me you think or feel about my appearance, it is not going to help. I really appreciate the gesture and I love that you care so much you want me to feel better but please, stop calling attention to it.

Imagine having a magnifying glass, one that only magnifies things you hate. You never use this magnifying glass to look at your own body because you already know absolutely everything that is wrong with it by heart. You keep it locked away but you tell the people you love and trust that you have it and you are ok with the fact that you have it, you have just had it in your pocket for so long that you are ok with it being there and are ok with how it works.

This makes sense, it is being ok with the fact that you are not ok. I am absolutely fine with the fact that I hate my body and hate the fact that I need to have one to interact with the ones I love and do the things that I want to do. I have come to accept it. I have passed the fighting it phase and have become truly ok with it.

Back to the magnifying glass. For some reason though, having that magnifying glass in your pocket that magnifies your flaws really bothers the people who care about you. Most of them don’t have one. In fact, most of the people I know are fine running around naked in almost all situations.

They of course feel like this is normal. It is normal for them. Where they fail is, they do not realize it is not normal for me. They want me to feel good about my body like they feel about theirs. The problem is I just don’t and complimenting me and trying to convince me that this shit pile of meat I am trapped in is good or attractive or whatever does nothing but amplify even more the things that are wrong with it.

You see what they don’t understand is, when people tell you nice things about the body you hate, you don’t believe them. Your brain immediately tells you that they are lying to make you feel better. Their intentions are good but they end up doing a ton more damage than you ever could on your own.

What they do not realize is, the proper answer is, “There is no requirement for you to like your body, if you don’t like it that is fine, I still like you.” I guess the problem is they do not realize *I* am NOT my body. My body is a meat covered endoskeleton that I drive around this reality and use to interact with it and the things in it.

Well, I have digressed quite a bit, gotten lost, changed tense and perspective, and just generally written a shoddy article here. What I am hoping is that with a judicious lack of editing you can see that I am sharing with you one of my most internal feelings. I am being genuine and vulnerable with you when I say you do not have to be “ok”. It is alright not to be ok.

What we need to do is learn to accept everyone as they are. We need to learn to help them when asked. We should not force our help or fixing onto other people. A lot of the time we can do a lot more damage than good that way. What we need to do is accept all states of mind and learn to help others when they ask.

Sure, we can ask if someone would like assistance but if they ask us not to help then we shouldn’t. Just remember, when you are complimenting a person who hates their body, you might just be magnifying the things they hate in their head by shining a spotlight on them.

Remember, love people as they are not as you think they should be. You don’t need to fix the suffering, all you need to do is be willing to hold space, allow them to have and experience their emotions and most of all make damned sure you are not trying to overwrite their reality no matter how benevolent you feel you are being.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K

 

People are always entitled to their feelings!

This is an important subject I felt it was important to write about. One of the things I am the most touchy about is feeling like I am being told how to feel.

It is very easy to tell someone how to feel. Most of us do not realize we are even doing it. We do things like telling people not to feel bad when something goes wrong or telling them to “just let it go” when they are venting or trying to externalize the negative emotions they are feeling.

We should ALL be making a conscious effort to NEVER tell anyone how to feel. This does not mean you can’t suggest things like letting go. It doesn’t mean you can’t suggest better states of mind and offer help to getting there.

What it DOES mean is you should not “tell” people how to feel. Don’t tell people to smile, don’t tell people to just let go, don’t tell people not to be hurt, angry, sad, happy, joyous, annoyed or any other emotion.

People feel emotions for a reason. Some are to protect us, some are to make us do things, and others are just there to enhance how we interact with the world and help us to reason. Things like compassion help us to do wonderful things for other people.

Whoever you are dealing with that is feeling whatever you are seeing is feeling those feelings for a reason. Maybe something bad happened, maybe something good happened. Maybe they set up a project and it is not going to plan so they are annoyed or frustrated.

The best thing you can do for someone who is feeling emotions that you feel you need to help them deal with is to let them experience them and just stand by them to help catch them when they fall.

I can tell you this, one of the fastest ways to piss someone off and ruin a relationship of any sort romantic or otherwise is make the person you care about feel like you are dictating who they are and how they should feel.

Just be mindful, listen to the things you say and pay attention to the things you do when you are helping others try to deal with emotions. Both of you will be much happier because of it.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K

Don’t bullshit people, especially those you care about

Hello everyone, sorry I have been gone so long. There was a vacation in there and some other things. Those of you who know me personally know what those other things are already.

caution_sign_no_bullshit_zone_stickerI wanted to share something that came into my head the other day. Someone I care about very much has been feeling down. I don’t have permission to talk about it so I am not going to get too specific or mention names. The person I am talking about feels like they are not where they should be on a project they have been working on for the past year.

I was very supportive and was not lying when I said I was impressed with the amount of progress they made. The uncomfortable part was that it was obvious that it was time for me to tell them something that was not going to make them feel better but had to be said.

You see, I had to say “well, I think a big part of the problem is you keep starting to step over the finish line and you find a reason to take a left turn”. It is never fun to tell someone you care about that they seem to be one of their bigger problems. The project, in this case, is done and ready to go. It has been for months. The problem is the person I am talking about always finds something that “needs to be tweaked” before the launch and advertising can happen.

 

I finally had to say “stop taking left turns and just do it, you launch a product then perfect it, not perfect it then launch it. Look, it took Microsoft virtually 40 years to perfect their product after they released it”.

If you truly care about someone then you will find yourself at times telling them what they want to hear. Other times you will find yourself telling them what they want you to tell them and then other times you will find yourself having to tell them something they need to hear. Unfortunately at times, the something they need to hear is going to be something you do not want to say or they do not want to hear.

I hate this phrase but man up and do it. Tell them what they need to hear not what they want to hear. Tell them because you care and trust them to react in a calm loving way because they care about you too.

You can trust them to say thank you and take it to heart. Most people will see it as constructive criticism.

Use the skills we have talked about in the past and offer the criticism in a loving thoughtful way. Soften the blow some if you can. After all, it is not easy to accept criticism so we should be mindful about how we offer it to everyone, not just the people we care about.

You see we have a responsibility to our fellow man to be honest, open, and vulnerable with them. This means that at times, we are going to have to tell people what they do not want to hear albeit with tact, grace, and love. Just a friendly reminder that above all we have this responsibility to our friends, and families…the people we love the most.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

 

K

Is it important to support the people you care about?

You bet your sweet ass it is. I know someone who is having a hard time right now. She has a business that is starting to grow by itself. It is a controversial field and she is an introvert. She does NOT like to be in the spotlight.

The problem is, the very nature of her business is going to do exactly that. In all likelihood in a very major way and fast to boot. We have had long talks about the fear. It is very real and serious for her.

I realized in providing support today, how important it was for me to impress this upon you. I told her that I would be there for her through thick and thin. Of course there was a lot more detail than that but that is not important.

What is important is that I talk about how much value you can add to the lives of those you care about by supporting them in the things they do. You can empower them to achieve their goals simply by letting them know you care whether or not they succeed and that should something go wrong you will be there to help them through it in whatever way you can.

We all have fears. At times they keep us from achieving the things we set out to do. When we are supported by our peers and loved ones it can make taking that leap seem a lot less scary.

It is much easier to reach for the stars if you know there will be someone there to help catch you if you fall or at least dust off, pick up, and continue moving forward. By supporting our peers and loved ones we bond with them. We create interpersonal relationships that last a lifetime, we create a partnerships that are greater than the sum of their parts.

Take the time today to sit down and think about your friends, family, and acquaintances. Try to think of ways you can be supportive of them. Maybe not all of them at once but choose the one who needs it most and extend your hand in love and support.

You might just be surprised by how much stronger you feel from being strong for someone else.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. We all have to take risks and sometimes we get hurt. Cherish the times you get hurt, they will make the successes that much sweeter.

Peace, love, and happiness always,

K

Having a body of glass

glass-female-body-sculptureHello everyone. I think it is time I start to address the concept of having a body of glass. Those of you that know me personally already know I am a sensitive. I pick things up from people and the world around that have/are/are going to happen.

This is NOT an easy way to live. In a lot of cases sensitives find themselves overwhelmed in social situations. We are usually overwhelmed without warning and in a major way.

Because of this, sensitives usually have to have some sort of defense mechanism when we are going out. We need to be cautious of the emotional situations we are getting into.

Well, I have heard the term “body of glass” many times. I always thought it was a load of crap to be honest. How could a sensitive person just let everything pass through them?

I should take a moment and describe the idea of having a body of glass. In short, it is the idea that, in your mind, you are going to let everything you feel, hear, see, smell, and taste pass through you and you choose what to hold on to.

This sounds much easier than it is. To be honest, when you first achieve this state of mind it feels rather aloof. You find yourself traveling through the world feeling as if you are not actually a part of it. This feeling passes quickly though and when it does a feeling of calm and serenity washes over you in even the most intense of spaces.

I achieved this state of mind for the first time only recently. It took me a while to figure out how I achieved it. I had to sort of reverse engineer the state of mind as I stumbled into it quite by accident.

The secret for me was making sure I knew what I was getting into, that I was sure that in all likelihood I could not be hurt, and I was out in public, in the crowds, with people I care about and love very much who also feel the same about me.

Before I left I took the time to do a short meditation. I was able to plug into my inner brain and remind myself, no, convince myself that I was not going to be hurt, that I was with people I loved, and that almost no matter what happened, when it was over, life would go back to normal.

We ventured out and as we were walking along the street I realized that even though there were hundreds if not thousands of people out, I was not worried, I was not in fear, and I was not overwhelmed by all the feelings of the people around me.

I could still see them. I could still hear them. I could still feel them but things passed through me, they did not stick like usual and take residence in my mind or in my energy field.

In short, what I did was make the decision that no matter what I experienced I was going to enjoy it and appreciate it for exactly what it was, an experience. This allowed me to get into a state of mind that I am now calling the participating observer.

When you are in participating observer mode you have made up your mind that you are going to be a part of the action but that you are not going to let that action or the energy associated with it reside inside you or your field of energy. When you do this, you really are, just making up your mind that no matter what happens you are going to enjoy yourself and the experience you are about to have.

I think you might be surprised at how many things about your life you can change just by making up your mind firmly to change it and then being that change.

Try the body of glass idea next time you are going out into an intense situation. Do a quick 15 minute meditation and think about the fact that you are not going to be hurt, you may not enjoy everything about it, but that whatever you experience in relationship to your function or whatever it is you are doing is going to have value going forward, even if that value is only witnessing something you did not enjoy and remembering to appreciate the experience and having it so that you can use it to relate to how awesome the better things to come are when they arrive.

Peace, love and happiness always,

K