I saw someone post an article on Facebook today that talked about things women don’t tell men about sex but should.
I read the article and it had some good information in it. I didn’t agree with all of it but I am not a woman so I am going to take the feedback of the women at face value and believe their answers. After all, who would know more about being a woman than a woman?
Now where I started to get concerned was when I started to read the comments. I saw ridiculous comments that stated things like, the reason a circumcised man is less sensitive than a man with foreskin is because “The penis dries out and becomes less sensitive”. I could not believe my eyes. I had to read that comment three times to make sure I was really reading what it said.
Another comment that concerned me was a woman who said “We should not have to tell men what we want in bed, they should just figure it out on their own.”
You have got to be kidding me. Really?!?! You are going to promote less communication in a relationship? This made me realize that it may not be so obvious that communication in a relationship is important if not crucial.
First, let’s take a look at what we should be/need to be communicating. The answer here is simple although not always easy to do. Most importantly in a relationship, you need to communicate your feelings. This does not mean just happiness and joy. This also means love, sadness, anger and frustration as well.
If you expect your partner to “just know” you are going to find yourself “Just broken up”. It is not fair to expect either partner in a relationship, regardless of gender, to just know what the other is thinking or feeling. This does not apply just to romantic relationships either. This information applies to all personal relationships.
Don’t get me wrong there is responsibility on both sides of the fence. The person communicating needs to do so in a constructive and respectful way and the person listening needs to listen and take to heart what they are being told. Not as a negative, but as constructive criticism. Your partner is telling you how they feel because they want to be with you and have a happy relationship with you not because they dislike you or are trying to hurt you.
This is one of those strange things in relationships that feels bad or uncomfortable at times but is actually good. After all, if you do not tell someone what they are doing to piss you off, how can you expect them to fix it? At the same time if your partner gives you feedback, listen and try to work with them to figure out what the issue is. I think you will find that your partner is eager to work with you to get things worked out so everyone is happy.
Sometimes it is something very easy to fix. Other times it may land you talking to a relationship counselor. Either way, it is always best to talk about and deal with your issues so that nobody feels slighted in a relationship. Both partners in a relationship are entitled to have feelings. Acknowledging your partners feelings by listening to them and taking them to heart is always a good thing. You really do need to remember, again, that they are sharing these things because they love you and want to be with you.
The last point I would like to cover is sex. This may be one of the most important communication areas in a romantic relationship. Sadly, it is also one of the ones that is most often neglected or not dealt with at all.
In order for you to communicate with your partner during sex, first you need to know what you like or at least have a desire to experiment and figure it out.
Share this with your partner. Don’t be afraid to say “Hey it feels good when you touch me here” or “I like it when you do this with your tongue” or “Hey, it doesn’t feel so hot with teeth” or what have you. Sorry to be so graphic but these are EXACTLY the types of things that never get talked about. The silliest part is, the person we should all feel most comfortable talking to about this is our partners. I understand this is not always the case. If you do a little research you will find there is plenty of information available on activities you can do to help rebuild that closeness. I will write more on this later or perhaps invite a guest writer to cover the topic.
I recommend sharing your fantasies with each other, you might find out you have some in common. Don’t be afraid to experiment. If you try something and don’t like it, it is ok to say so.
Here is a good way to break the ice, human sex map…fill one of these out and share it with your partner. Ask them to fill one out and share theirs with you. When you find spots of interest that neither has tried…give them a try. I guarantee you will have fun and you might even find out you are meeting your partner for the first time in the bedroom 😉 Either way, make sure you take the time to talk about all of it :).
The point is, if you do not communicate with your partner, if you do not share your fears, courage, successes, failures, desires, and wishes with your partner, the chances of your relationship surviving, romantic or otherwise, are not good.
Give in, allow yourself to love and trust that your partner will love ALL of you. Trust them with your feelings and allow them to trust you with theirs. Just remember that comes with responsibilities in both directions too (more on that later). Take a chance, I personally guarantee that when you find the right person you will not care how many tries it took to find them.
I would like to close by saying, Be careful with other peoples hearts and reckless with your own. Fall in love with the world as often and as deeply as you can. Until just a few years ago I had no idea what that really meant.
Peace, love and happiness always,